A Dominant Woman, But Not A Mistress

I came to the realization that I was a dominant woman a long time ago, long before my husband ever confessed his desire to be sexually submissive to me. Honestly, his confession wasn’t terribly surprising. He was already pretty submissive to me in other areas of our lives, so why not this one?

Regardless of the fact that I wasn’t surprised by his admission, I can’t say that I was terribly thrilled with it, either. In fact, the more I discussed it with him, the less enthralled I became with the idea. It seemed that all his fantasies revolved around a highly-idealized pornographic image of a leather-adorned ice Princess with a whip and other fetish accoutrements.

I was not impressed.

Even As A Dominant Woman, The Femdom BDSM Lifestyle Was Not For Me

Unfortunately, Femdom Mistress BDSM porn has turned quite a few dominant women away from the woman-in-charge type of relationship because these kinds of women cannot relate to the one-dimensional porn woman. Dominant women are independent and prefer to pursue their own paths, rather than follow a cookie-cutter role that’s been laid out for them. So when men prefer those cardboard cutouts to what real women have to offer, real women just say, “No, thank you.”

Luckily, my husband knows me well enough to know that his laundry list of fantasies and fetishes was just turning me off. So, like a good submissive, he shut up.

“Would you like to be submissive to me?” I asked him.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Well, this is what you’re going to have to do. You’re not to mention this again. I will do my own research and my own thinking about it. When I’m ready to discuss it again, I will come to you. Do you understand?”

“I understand.”

What I Learned About Being A Dominant Woman

True to my word to my husband, I did begin to research. The more I researched, the more I became convinced that the role of “Femdom” or “Mistress” was not for me. But I was still intrigued by the thought of being in charge in all aspects of our relationship. I decided I didn’t want him to be “submissive” in the sense that it’s normally meant, but I wanted him to be an equal partner in our relationship who deferred to my judgment.

I also decided that I wanted to control him sexually–not with male chastity but by having him fulfill my own sexual needs before his.

Once I’d made up my mind about what I wanted, it was time to talk to my husband.

To make a long story short, my husband and I had a long talk that ultimately culminated in my exercising my own form of cock control over him that very night. What did I do? Why, I told him that he was not allowed to fuck me until he’d made me cum at least five times before he put his cock inside me, and then he had to make me cum at least twice more before he was allowed to cum! We’re both big fans of this game.

At first, I let him do his own thing when it came to making me cum. After awhile, though, I began to give him more explicit orders. We started getting into queening and participating in what would probably be considered pussy and ass worship. I love both of those things and am starting to enjoy him giving me a bath as a form of body worship.

Why am I telling you this? It’s not to denigrate your fetishes or the type of pornography you like to watch. It’s actually meant as both a mild warning about not setting your standards impossibly high and a way to offer hope. Just because your wife, your girlfriend, the girl you met on a fetish website, or even your phone sex Femdom does not seem like your fantasy dominatrix doesn’t mean that you can’t have a fulfilling relationship with her. As a matter of fact, you’ll probably find that reality will turn out to be far, far better than fantasy. So don’t dismiss the actions of any dominant woman too soon because they don’t measure up to your fantasy ideal, so that you won’t miss out on something as wonderful as what my husband and I now share!